Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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