ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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