..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
