I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
