Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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