I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
