I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
