Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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