You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
