you turned your livingroom into a bong?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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