Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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