Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
