Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
