You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
