Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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