did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
