Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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