I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
