I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
