nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
