worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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