Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
