I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
