i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Randomize
