just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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