Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
