if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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