Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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