maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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