oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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