"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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