For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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