Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want her autograph on my taint
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
