he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Randomize
