So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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