Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
