I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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