Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
