im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
