Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
