STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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