Whod you bang
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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