Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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