New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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