And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
