cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
