I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
