Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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