she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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