We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
