if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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